Monday, April 14, 2008

a walk on part in the war...

Wow.. these are one of those times when you wonder if anything was honestly ever worth it, if its worth the struggle to get what you want or easier to give up, sit back and enjoy life as it comes.

I am not and never was opposed to the concept of the anti-college education movement. To me, it was always a concept of personal choice. There is a way to get through life, quite happily in fact, without an ounce of college education. Examples of great people who made it big in life even without those shiny off-white embossed sheets of paper abound in every "Top ten Idols in "

But, when the onus fell on me to make that essential choice - do i need college?, every voice in my head unequivocally seemed to scream "Yes, sir!" and from there on I embarked on the long and arduous and as yet imcomplete journey of doing things well so I would find a place in an institution where I would feel proud to belong. Yet, along the way, I stumbled over and over again, found myself wasting days and weeks just carousing and lounging around in front of the miserable television letting my brain rot, slowly and systematically.

Now, when it all seems to be reaching an end, the part of the journey which matters most having passed away quite eventfully, all I wonder when I look back is - was it even worth it? ALl those days and weeks and months of irritation and frustration and just trying over and over agian to cram the same facts in my head to retain them as well as I could.

Of course, I emerged hopefully un-scarred but only time will tell what the real consequences of this war was..

Through this process I witnessed some of my co-fighters who seemed to take things with a pinch of salt, not letting themselves be truly perturbed by the enemy lines and just taking things so easy. Maybe it is a facade, but they seem to be at such ease with themselves, setting their expectations lower, and feeling the simple pleasure of spending time with friends and watching television guiltlessly... I on the other hand have wrecked many a good experiences just letting the guilt of slacking take over my being and emerged none the wiser for it. Such a shame and an honest pity.. Tut tut tut..

Now, i wish my mental makeup just permitted me to not care and take things easy. To just sit back and wish for something attainable and have it fall on my lap. Life would be such a breeze. And I would be happy too. I have got what I wanted. APplauding those who did better and consoling myself in secret saying - tis alright, I never wanted that in the first place.

But inside I know, I'm not wired that way... I'm meant to worry and be frustrated and just break my head over problems such as the board exams because that was how i've been conditioned all my life to behave ... Ah, the influences of our surroundings

Would you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in the cage...

5 comments:

Meena and Ganesh said...

What you say makes lot of sense and shows the deep introspectioon you are going thorugh.
We all have heard that the ships that never leave the shore are the safest but thats not what ships are meant for -- right ?
It is better to have treid and failed than not to have tried at all.
I can go on and on about this but its really test of character and your strength that you are aiming high and things that are high enough that you will face disapoointments and some setbacks alongwith your fair share of successes.
Ultimately this is a long journey and you are at the first lap of it with miles to go . Enjoy the journey , its challenges and pleasures - you will realize like me that time is running very fast and if you dont savor every moment , you will regret later
best

∑√ ßōŗň ŧסּ ßĕ ĤάŢëĐ ™ said...

First off, you're writing style is absolutely lovely. Like someone terribly stoned yet totally in their senses :P
And secondly i think that was a perfect line. Ships aren't meant to stay at port. People try and fail all the time. Was i better versed in General knowledge i could give a hundred examples of people who failed thousands of times before become famous. You'll get your due when you will. Just please don't give up before then. You see everyone around you taking it easy. Look around... 99999 out of 100000 people are AVERAGE. Like you said.. you're not meant to be one of them

BENNY said...

very well written the above gentleman...put it very well....you sound like your stoned but still in your senses!!
Well...lets say my situation is kinda the same as you...i am stoned but not really in my senses...

The point in which you said...that u see people around you taking it lightly...isint exactly a representation of what their doing.

Maybe their focuss is in some other direction......maybe they got themselves into what they didnt want...and are now...not giving a damn about it...and focussing all their energies somewhere else....

Preeti Gupta : www.vocaboom.in said...

love your posts...read 2008's contributions and this one is bang on. By far your best. You're obviously around 20 (?) and a wonderful thinker. Love what you share of your mind and heart with the world. I don't know you but am proud of you.....gennext..you make me so proud...

www.vocaboom.blogspot.com.....come share my thoughts too...

Anand said...

PINK FLOYD!!!!!